I have a wonderful extended metaphor for you all.
Excited?
You should be.
So about a week ago at work, I was talking with my new co-worker, Mike. It had already been established that Mike and I have different views on some things (he thinks Wuthering Heights is rubbish, I think it's salvageable if you look at it as a cautionary tale and not a grand romance), so we were just sort of shooting the breeze with my boss, AJ, and for some reason, I mentioned my favorite TV show. Probably because that's kind of what I do. Even my geology professor knows what it is. I talk about it. . .basically constantly. Or I did. I've gotten better about just referencing it in my head when I'm around strangers/less enthusiastic viewers.
Suffice it to say that there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are fans of this show:
And those who are fans of this show.
Fans of one of these two shows rarely cross into the other's fandom or if they do, that person is an exceptionally rare human being who is probably actually a unicorn (an unicorn?). BUT. That's beside the point. The followings of each of these shows are devoted, somewhat radical, and don't really know what to think of each other.
I belong to the first fandom, which anybody on tumblr will tell you may be the craziest of all fandoms. Seriously. I've seen the Sherlock fandom compared to Ed, the drooling, deranged hyena from the Lion King, and sometimes it's accurate. Sometimes I am even scared by the people in my own fandom. And I'm pretty crazy about this show, so if I'm getting scared, you know there are people who are more obsessed than I am.
Completely unnerving.
Exposition aside, I brought up my favorite TV show, Sherlock, and Mike said:
"You know, I like Elementary better."
My instinctual knee-jerk reaction was
And then when I could actually get words out it was
Because if there's one thing I cannot abide in this world, it is Elementary. Actually, that's only barely an exaggeration--there are a few other things I cannot actually abide. Like sexism and racism and poverty and oppression. But Elementary is up there. For a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that we Americans seem to feel the need to REMAKE EVERYTHING THAT THE BRITISH DO RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.
That's neither here nor there.The point is, Mike and I disagreed. And we talked about it in a logical, calm, civil way. Well, there was an initial moment where we sort of said words at each other like children: "No you're wrong--" "NO YOU'RE WRONG." That sort of thing. But then once we'd calmed down we sat and talked about why each of us preferred the show we did. Like civilized, well educated human beings. I don't think either of us managed to change the others' mind, but we talked. We listened to each other and worked to understand where the other person was coming from, and I think we learned something from each other. I would be more willing to watch Elementary without looking at it 210% through the eyes of cynicism, and I think he would be more open to watching another episode of Sherlock. Which is something that children have to learn how to do so that when they become adults, the world doesn't completely fall apart from people yelling belligerent insults at each other.
Oh wait.
See? Extended metaphors. They pay off.
Basically. There are two kinds of people in our culture because we live in a bipartisan system. Liberals. And conservatives. And the ones who are moderates are exceptionally rare human beings who are actually probably unicorns, but they are my favorite group of people because they tend to be a little bit more balanced than the extreme left or extreme right. But since the system is bipartisan, there tends to be little room for them--which is a shame.
Both sides of this bipartisan culture are extremely passionate about something. Now, in order to remain as fair and unbiased as possible, I'll just let you do the filling in about what each side is passionate about. It's not my place to categorize which beliefs are right or wrong; the point is, someone out there believes them. And to say that these two sides have their differences is like saying that in the desert, the sun shines in the summer. It's kind of stating the obvious.
Now, I know that a lot of people go off about how bipartisanship and compromise are sissy, ineffective solutions and the people that are wrong are wrong and that everyone should generally go one way or no way at all, because THIS IS AMERICA THE LAND OF THE FREE.
I have to admit, I do feel that some beliefs held by people on a certain end (or ends) of the spectrum are wrong and unfair and just plain old oppressive. I sometimes find it hard to listen to people expressing their opinions about what they think is the right way to do things because it differs so completely from mine. Like I found it hard to listen to Mike say Elementary was better than Sherlock, and yes, I went there. Sherlock and Elementary may not be on the global scale that politics is on, but it bloody well is a fistfight among the shows' respective fandoms, and if you think that the politicians in our government are more civilized than a bunch of probably teenaged to early-twenties nerds on tumblr, you've got another thing coming.
I used to think compromise would be a good solution for the current problems. I still do. But even more than that, I think I would just settle for the people in our government and on the two sides of the spectrum to actually sit and listen to each other. Not immediately jump down each other's throats with "YOU ARE WRONG" "NO YOU ARE WRONG." and continue in that vein. No one ever learned anything that way, and no one's mind was opened from that sort of behavior.
You can certainly dislike someone's opinions. But you have to have reasons to back it up, and it can't just be whatever random stuff you want that sounds right. You have to take the time. Listen to the other person's opinion. Digest it a little--don't just spit it back out at them like a toddler who doesn't like peas and so decides that peas aren't going to be eaten without a fight that just makes them look silly and covers everyone else in green goo. Nobody ends up happy that way. After thinking about it for a while, do some research--legitimate research. Then, once you are actually able to back up why you don't like their opinion, give your evidence. And give your own opinion. Be civilized about it. Be kind. Be respectful. People are more impressed by respect than by screaming. Minds are opened that way.
Frustration is by all means allowed, but I find that understanding where someone is coming from eliminates a lot of frustration, and when all is said and done you don't have to agree with the person you're conversing with. You can just shake hands and say "agree to disagree." Chances are, you have grown from this encounter and you don't even know it. Maybe the next time this particular subject pops into your head, you'll think about it a little differently, somehow, even if your opinion isn't changed.
If a Sherlock fan and an Elementary fan can do it, I'd say that the middle-aged to old adults who run our government can do it. In fact, they should have learned how to do it a long time ago. I'm pretty tired of the absolute zoo that seems to be politics in America now, and I don't think I'm alone. Every rational and well-thought-out-argument stands out like a nugget of gold in a disgustingly dirty river.
Can we get more gold and less dirt? Please? And can we start by listening to each other, really listening? It's a pretty rudimentary skill.
I know it can happen.
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