Trust me. I know all about cliches. I've run across them in stories, I've read stories where they're used ironically, and I've even been known on occasion to use the word cliche as a descriptor. Sometimes I think cliche is a cliche, because I'm meta like that.
That was really, ridiculously off-topic. The real topic of this blog post is my dear friend and pen-pal, Melece, who I would not have met or corresponded with had it not been for my ex.
Let's go back in time to May 2011. My ex (though we were neither involved nor dating at the time) had traveled to Hawaii to stay for a month, to visit a friend who was attending BYU-Hawaii and also just because Hawaii. There are not many things that would dissuade me (or anyone) from going to a place with so many beaches and such nice weather.
I've been landlocked for far too long. I MISS THE OCEAN. Send help!
Anyway. The Ex and Melly became acquainted, became friends, and were sort of flirty and such with each other (but everyone who knows my ex knows he's flirty--our nickname for him freshman year was Shamu, not because he was whale-like but because the amount of girls he'd either flirted with or been involved with was substantial--being female and being around him was kind of like sitting in the splash zone at Seaworld; your chances were pretty good that he'd flirt with you. Yes, I know it sounds mean. No, I'm not proud of it. There's a lot I'm not proud of). And then he came back to the continental states and within two weeks we were dating.
I'd heard about Melly because in the space of time before we'd started dating he'd talked to me about this amazing girl he met in Hawaii who he hoped to date when he got back from his mission. He talked about her a lot, and I kind of had a crush on him, so I was sort of disheartened, but I decided that I wouldn't say anything and just be his friend until the crush just wore off. It wasn't like he was the only guy I'd had a crush on freshman year--there was one other guy I liked majorly, but I didn't think he was interested in me (I thought I wasn't his type or something), because I had terrible self esteem and thought most guys wouldn't crush on me.
For Sylvia Plath's sake, Me from the Past. GUYS LIKE YOU. Be a little more confident! And learn to be confident sooner rather than later!
Letting the crush disappear on its own worked so well, because one day in June, out-of-the-blue, he invited me to hang out with him and that was the day he kissed me and we started dating, which I totally did not expect because he seemed really committed to this idea of dating Melly after his mission and I think I even said something about it, but I can't remember if it was before or after my Ex Ted Mosby-ed me that night. He said exactly those words that Ted says to Robin in the pilot episode of How I Met Your Mother. I mean, we'd known each other for a while, but I had not expected it and I had no idea what to say back. What popped out of my mouth was more knee-jerk reaction than anything, and it wasn't "WHAT?" because obviously we started dating. It should have been "WHAT?!"
 |
| Yeah. Like that. |
But it wasn't.
Fast forward again to when I was engaged. The whole time I was dating my ex I always felt a little bit like I was competing with or had to measure up to Melly, because he would tell me he was talking to her, and sometimes he would text her when I was with him and ignore me. So needless to say I had been a little jealous, and when I got engaged to my ex I figured the best way to get rid of the stupid jealousy was to get to know this girl. So we started talking. And amazingly, we became friends. It was kind of magical. I found out that I really enjoyed talking to her, because she was funny and smart and had lots of good stories to tell, and we shared lots of common interests--more than my ex had shared with me, if I'm being honest.
Friendship. You find it in the weirdest places. And I'm so glad I did, because without Melly, the end of my marriage would have been a lot harder. Melly was the first person to point out that it sounded like I was being emotionally abused. She was always someone I could talk to when times got particularly ugly, and I am so grateful for that. Some debts you never can repay, and Melly's presence in my life when I needed it most is one of those things. And we'd never actually met in person! We corresponded though facebook messages and letters, and let me just add that having a pen pal is one of the most enriching things in the world. You should go get one.
My last year of undergrad kind of took a giant chunk out of my free time, and so my letter writing has suffered shamefully (sorry, Mel, I'm gonna write more now that I'm more free) and Melly got engaged to her adorable missionary and is now married to him.
Seriously. It's so cute it makes me sick--in a good way. You should go read her blog and see for yourself how smart and funny and amazing she is.
But! Last December/January, I had the opportunity to meet Melly In Person, when she came to my home state. We got to hang out and play weird games and watch Rom Coms one day and the next day she had an engagement party, which I attended. Her family was so nice and welcoming, and hanging out with Melly didn't feel awkward at all. It was actually kind of like meeting a celebrity for me, so I was probably more awkward than she was because I so admire her.
I even made a new friend at her engagement party--another person Melly had met online in a girls waiting for missionaries group--so it just goes to show you that the internet is a fully valid way to meet people, and that the next time Melly's in town, Emerlie, Melly, and I are going to hang out and be awesome.
And that's the absolutely true story of how I became friends with someone my ex had a crush on. After the last post I wanted to show that yes, it's totally possible, and sometimes those friendships become some of the strongest you've got. Melly really is the silver lining to a really dark time in my life--because she's just super like that.
I'm glad she's my friend.
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