Ah, feminism. The "F" word. The word that causes people to cheer, or roll their eyes. The word that has been defined and re-definied for us by conservatives, by liberals, by feminists, by non-feminists. People defend it, attack it, hate it, love it. Nothing is quite so polarizing as feminism. Feminists can attack other feminists for "not being feminist enough," feminists can attack non-feminists for being wrong...it's all so complicated.
Yeah. Complicated enough that I'm going to try and talk about it. But if I can cover PTSD, I can talk about this. And I can talk about it in a mature way, if not as elegantly as Jenny Lawson.
With recent conflicting hashtag activism movements like "Not All Men/Yes All Women" and "I Don't Need Feminism Because/I need Feminism Because, it's especially easy to get confused. It's especially easy to misunderstand what feminism is. Is feminism misandry? Does feminism give women a sort of reverse advantage, as Fox News claims? Do people just need to stop talking about it, already?
As a sociology minor, I get that. And I admit, I'm biased. I've never not been a feminist. As a toddler (yes, at two years old) I was making statements about girls and boys being equal and how silly it was that people thought boys were better. I'm paraphrasing, obviously. But I've always had a certain kind of double consciousness that I'm a smart person, but also a woman; and that means that men will get certain privileges that I don't, and that kind of does make me angry. I've worked hard to earn what I have, and so it's common sense to me that I should get every opportunity a man would, in my chosen field. I also know that, under the current system, I probably won't get every opportunity a man would, and that feels wrong. So it's common sense to me to be a feminist.
What is feminism? Well, that is a simple and complicated question with a simple and complicated answer. The simplest answer is: feminism is the belief that men and women are equal, and deserve equal rights.
The complicated answer is: are we talking liberal feminism, Marxist feminism, or radical feminism? Are we taking into account the gender binary, societal gender roles? Are we talking female as sex (biological) or gender (assigned)? Are we going to talk about non-white, non-cisgender, queer feminist movements and issues? These are all parts of feminism, and are all equally important.
Basically, the complicated answer simplified is that feminism is a movement that strives to put all human beings of all races--female, male, queer, straight, trans--on equal footing. It just happens to be called feminism because the balance of power as it currently sits tilts the scales against women.
Phew. So much theory. I'm not even sure I've got it a hundred percent correct. So let's move to what feminism is NOT:
Feminism is NOT misandry. Misandry is a hatred and mistrust of men--the mirror image of misogyny, which is a hatred and mistrust of women.
It's a common misconception that ALL FEMINISTS ARE EVIL LESBIAN MISANDRISTS. We're not. Are some feminists lesbians? Of course. Do some feminists hate men? Yes. Does that make the movement invalid? No.
I've never met a feminist who is as crazy as certain members of the media will lead you to believe. For the most part, we're all fairly rational people who are just really sick of the patriarchy. This DOES NOT mean we're sick of men. In fact, most of us (even those of us who are lesbians--gasp) like men and have male friends. I'm a big fan of men. I've got a lot of male friends, I've had really fantastic boyfriends (as well as some really crappy ones) and I've been on dates with really sweet, really awesome guys. Does this mean I have to like male privilege? Or the patriarchy? Well, no.
A lot of men have been really defensive around me when I say things like "I really don't like male privilege. I don't think it's fair," or "I really don't like the patriarchy as a system." They seem to think I'm talking specifically ABOUT THEM.
I'm not. If you're a dude, you're not the system. You benefit from the system, especially if you're white and straight. That's not your fault. It doesn't mean you like it. But you do benefit from it, and half of the battle is acknowledging that you do without getting defensive and throwing #notallmen around like confetti. We get that it's frustrating. I was super frustrated when I realized I have white privilege and I can't revoke it. The balance of power in the system gives it to me. And it makes me uncomfortable every single day, that I have a privilege that I didn't earn and I can't do anything about it by myself. It makes me ill. It should make me ill.
And I have certainly met women who don't like feminism and feminists. My former mother-in-law told me that I needed to tone down the feminism if I was going to have a happy marriage. I've even recently had female friends tell me they're not feminists and that feminism makes them angry and tired. Do I necessarily a hundred percent know where they're coming from? No. Feminism is something that I have really strong feelings about.
But does this mean that I shame them and judge them? No. As a feminist, I'm all about choices. If you chose not to be a feminist, that's your business. But make sure you know what it is you're choosing before you make a decision. Jenny Lawson said that, and I agree.
I've taken you through the theory. Now it's time for the personal portion of this post.
I'm going to begin with this phrase: I need feminism. It's an oldie, but a goodie.
The most obvious reason I need feminism is because I was abused by someone who was supposed to be my partner in life. I became a statistic, and I know what it's like to feel totally powerless and scared. You guys already know quite a bit about that. So I'm going to go with some less obvious reasons.
I need feminism because I'd really like to feel safe walking down the street or working the stall at the farmers' market by myself. I've had several experiences of men approaching me while I'm alone at the booth and saying really inappropriate things to me. I've been shouted and heckled walking down the street. None of that makes me feel super awesome. In fact, it makes me feel gross, dirty, and like my body is public property somehow. It's not.
I need feminism because I can watch about a hundred movies about meaningful friendships between two guys and maybe find one about a meaningful friendship between two women that isn't between two sisters or doesn't somehow turn sexual. I'm all for portrayal of LGBT love stories. I'd just really like to see two women being really awesome friends. Because awesome female friendships exist in real life. I've got a ton of them. I wouldn't be who I am without my support group of female friends. So I think it can be a thing that happens in movies.
I need feminism because I'm not the sum of my body parts. I've been treated like that before. It sucks. I've also been treated like a human--the guy I went on a date with most recently treated me more like an equal than about half of my actual boyfriends did--and that was such a nice change. I've had guys I barely know make insinuations about my sex life, which is absolutely none of their business.
I need feminism because objectification is real, and no matter how hard my parents worked to keep me from buying into self-objectification, it was prevalent and persuasive enough to suck me in anyway. And it still sucks me in, even though I consider myself to be an enlightened woman. It's too easy to see myself as an object.
I need feminism because "friendzoned" is a term and I've been on the receiving end of it. It's horrible. I like to think of myself as a nice girl, but when I get accused of friendzoning I used to feel so awful and guilty. Now I just feel irritated. Yes. I get you're a nice guy. I never said you weren't a nice guy. But that doesn't give you any perks other than friendship. 'Liking' my posts and photos on facebook, hanging out with me--none of that means you'll get in my pants or even get a date with me, and if you're doing all that with the intention of trying to seduce me, you're not actually my friend. Being my friend means being my friend. And I promise, being my friend is actually pretty neat. I'm really loyal to my true friends. And there's this double standard with friendzoning--I hear guys talk about it ALL THE TIME, but girls rarely refer to themselves as being "friendzoned," even though I'm fairly sure girls experience unrequited feelings just as commonly as guys do.
I need feminism because people think feminism only just pertains to the Western world. Feminism is a global issue. It's easy to say you don't need feminism if you're a white, Euro-Western woman. But the world is a lot bigger than us, and women around the world face some terribly serious threats.
I'm not much. I'm one woman who strongly believes that women are capable of everything men are. I believe that women are underrepresented, abused, and undervalued, both at home and on a global scale, and that is totally unacceptable. People should not accept it.
How many women who could write this blog post in a much more inspiring and moving way way than I do, who don't have the means or the voice? How many Malalas are out there who haven't been supported by their families in their dreams of education and equality? How many women who could change the world for the better?
I believe in feminism's cause. It's not a perfect movement. It's really not. But it is inherently good. And I just really want people to see that.
Further Reading (I know, no articles for the other side, but they're hard to find in my world, and I'd be happy to read and update this post with some well-thought out against articles if they are supplied):
http://iwantedwings.wordpress.com/2014/07/21/a-response-to-women-against-feminism/
http://jezebel.com/5992479/if-i-admit-that-hating-men-is-a-thing-will-you-stop-turning-it-into-a-self-fulfilling-prophecy
http://thebloggess.com/2014/07/women-who-are-ambivalent-about-women-against-women-against-feminism/
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