One of my very favorite people in this world is my cousin, Sarah. Sarah is like Sahara in that I've known her my entire life; she's not like Sahara in that she's actually a blood-relative. Which is cool. Sarah doesn't get less points for being related to me. Mostly because she's awesome like that.
The story that I am about to tell is even funnier if you take into account that 1) Sarah is one of the most faithfully religious people I know. She is currently serving an LDS mission and she's totally blossoming doing it. Also, 2) While this incident is sort of an anomaly for Sarah's personality, especially today, it was not an anomaly for Sarah of The Past. Seriously. Sarah of the Past was quite the little trickster (and she still is, but not to the same degree) and so a lot of the funniest stories I've heard from my mom and aunt Susan have to do with Sarah.
We were all on a family vacation to Tropic. Tropic is (for those of you who don't know) a tiny little town outside of Bryce Canyon which my friends who have been there dub "sketchy" but I would just call "small and, yes, a little sketchy, but then my biological grandfather grew up there, so of course it's a little sketchy."
We don't really talk about my biological grandfather. He was not a nice person. I did not meet him once during the course of his lifetime and I know this.
But, for all its sketchiness, Tropic does have some very fond memories attached to it. My great aunt and uncle lived there, and they were some of the nicest people I've ever met. And there was also that time that my dad was spinning me around on gravel and he slipped and fell and dropped me and accidentally gave me a fat lip. It really was an accident and he felt terrible afterwards, and while I cried initially, I was sort of grotesquely fascinated by the way my lip swelled up and turned purple like a baby eggplant. This being a rural town, most people seemed to think I'd gotten nailed in the face by a stubborn mule, which was a much more interesting story than the actual truth.
This little town is where we found ourselves, and I should probably elaborate and introduce you all to the cast of characters. My parents were there, as were Sarah's, and Sarah's very sophisticated & cool older sister, Heather, and of course, Sarah and myself. I think we were about 8 or 10 at the time. Somewhere in that age range.
I had been studying Greek mythology, and that statement makes even more sense if I tell you I was homeschooled from 1st through 5th grade. Certain people, when I mention that I was homeschooled, tend to give me this superior look of, aha, that's why you're so weird. To which I would just roll my eyes and say "no, you jerk, I was always weird. Homeschooling had nothing to do with it. Also, you should probably check yourself, because I graduated college summa cum laude, so obviously the homeschooling didn't wreck my intelligence or my ability to participate in normal school." Only I wouldn't call the person(s) in question a jerk, at least not out loud, because I'm very non-confrontational.
You're welcome.
Greek mythology was actually one of my favorite parts of my school day, and so I was telling Sarah about all these super awesome gods and goddesses. Somehow, the conversation turned from just talking about the deities to becoming them, and we started trying to one-up each other by becoming a more impressive god or goddess.
The adults of our party were sitting up towards the front of the van, aware of our squabble but not exactly paying attention. Sarah and I were often more like siblings than cousins, so I guess they just thought we'd figure it out and calm down eventually.
Only then, this happened.
Me: Well, I'm Goddess of the Universe!*
Sarah: Well, I'M JESUS CHRIST.
There was a moment of stunned silence before everyone in the car started laughing. And as soon as the laughter had calmed down just enough for speech, my dad turned to my uncle Kevin and said,
"I didn't know you were God the Father!"
Which basically just sent everyone back into hysterical peals of laughter, because really, the best thing about my mom's side of the family is that they know how to laugh.
Sarah, when this story is told today, laughs and also blushes a little, because like I said, she would never in a million years say anything like that today. But the fact of the matter is, we all think this story is too dang cute not to tell every once in a while, and we all get a good laugh at it every time it's told.
All the same, it's probably best for everyone if you don't mess with my cousin. Just in case.
*no, there is no such Greek Deity. I can only assume that desperate times called for desperate imaginary measures on my part. I also would just like to say that it is in keeping with my character that I made the most powerful being I could imagine, female. I was a tiny, adamant feminist. Even then.
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